Writing this post on a Sunday from my work office. Needless-to-say, it's been a frustrating day; a day of semantics. Rather a war of semantics. So, rather than running again I turned to blogging which has prompted me to showcase ways to not take things personally. According to Wikihow, here are the steps. And because I'm in a funky mood and lazy, I stole borrowed the verbiage below from aforementioned website. Thanks, Wiki!
 |
| Pretty much sums up my current mood |
Step 1: Give the benefit of doubt.
If you have a habit of taking
things personally, it means that you're apt to assume someone is directing some
form of aggression towards you when they could be just joking around or having
a bad day. It might be your instinct to react emotionally, but pause for a
second. Maybe it's not about you. Learn how to control your emotions. Don't
jump to conclusions.
Step 2: Refocus your attention.
When you take things personally, you
shift your attention from what someone said or did to how you feel. Unless you
move on from that point, it's likely that you'll ruminate on the negative
feeling and amplify it. Instead, focus on the other person. Look at how the person treats others. They might tease or
insult everyone they meet. Some people are just antagonistic like that.
-
Consider the person's insecurities. Could they
feel threatened by you in some way? If so, don't feel bad for being your
awesome self. Think about how you can help this person feel better about
themselves.
- Keep in mind that the other person may have poor
communication and emotional management skills. Imagine that there's an inner
child acting out, because the person hasn't learned how to deal with things in
a mature way. It's much easier to be patient and feel compassionate when you
visualize a learning child at the helm of their behavior.
Step 3: Remind yourself that you don't need anyone's approval.
If you're
especially sensitive to how people treat you and you often overreact, you might
have a strong radar for rejection. You worry that you're doing something wrong
if you pick up on any kind of displeasure, and you want to fix it. But just
because someone isn't happy with you doesn't mean you've done something wrong.
In many cases, it means that person isn't happy with themselves and expects you
to fill in the blanks (which is impossible).
Step 4: Speak up.
Let the person know how you are feeling. They
might not realize how hurtful or aggressive they seem and how it is affecting
you. Use "I" statements. If this is recurring, use nonviolent
communication to try to end it and resolve any underlying issues.
Step 5: Stop taking compliments personally, too.
If you base your
self-worth on how often people compliment and validate you, then you're
allowing others to decide how you feel about yourself. If someone compliments
you, it's no more personal than a direct insult.[1] They're simply calling it
how they see it, and that may or may not be accurate--only you can be the judge
of that. If someone compliments you, that doesn’t make you a better person, it
makes them a better person because they're taking the time to be supportive and
encouraging. Your value remains unchanged, because it's something that comes
from within.
Other tips...
Don't act too worked up when you're upset at someone. It
gives people more reason to believe the criticisms.
Sometimes taking things too
personally could stop people from joking with you completely and it could lead
to a feeling of isolation. No one likes to be left out and felt like others
have to tread on thin ice when around them in fear of how they will react.
Sometimes
negative criticism can be CONSTRUCTIVE criticism which can improve yourself and
make you stronger.
Put yourself in their shoes - they would take it as a joke
if you said that to them, wouldn't they?
