RIP FIL

Last Tuesday our family lost another great man, John "Jack" Califf. While his health was declining, this tragedy was unexpected. And heartbreaking.

We can all relate to what it feels like to lose someone, but feeling the pain of losing a parent firsthand is different. It's almost earth-shattering. Life as you know it changes. And a little piece of you is gone.

I have experienced this - almost a lifetime ago - but watching my husband grieve has been a hundred times more difficult. Nick hardly shows emotion, and it was as if he was storing it in anticipation for 2014 with the loss of so many family members. But to learn of his father's passing - after just seeing him at Grandpa Jerry's funeral a month prior - was completely devastating. 

Jack was a complicated man in my eyes. Knowing the history of his relationships with my husband and BIL almost makes his passing harder. When I first met Nick, I remember driving with him and an Everclear song came on the radio: Father of Mine. Nick's attitude changed as he lamented how the lyrics remind him of his dad. At the time I knew Nick didn't have much of a relationship with Jack, but I didn't understand the extent of hurt and pain he felt - heck, they both felt.

Flash forward several years, Nick rekindled his relationship with Jack. It was as if a weight lifted from Nick's shoulders. And I started to notice more "dad" talk, phone calls, Facebook posts, cards and love. It was incredible to watch the transformation of their relationship. 

And then I, too, started to develop a relationship with Jack. He treated me like a princess - always complimenting me, commenting on my efforts and supporting me in all my endeavors. He excitedly commented on my posts about my cats, never questioning why I do not have children of my own. In fact, he would post funny quips, blogs and pictures about cats on my Facebook wall, which always made me smile and giggle. I grew to love this man and I'm incredibly sad that he is gone.

Jack was a kind-hearted person - I learned recently that he would stop by the local Dairy Queen to purchase 60 plus dilly bars for the neighborhood children. That's just Jack - always thinking of others.

And it wasn't unusual to receive a surprise in the mail from jack - from Brian Urlacher life-sized stand-up posters, Cubs grass seed, Chicago Blackhawks' 2013 Stanley Cup t-shirt (which I'm proudly sporting as I type this post), specially designed 'Califf' hats, anniversary cards to donations for Shelby and Hunter's college fund as well as Words Alive. And he never did any of these things for a thank you or something in return - he just wanted to see Nick, Sean and me happy.

Last year I received an email from Jack - "call me ASAP, please." My heart dropped, immediately thinking something was wrong. Nope, he just made the decision to give Nick all of his tools which equates to almost $40,000 of air tools, tool boxes and even a flame thrower. When I asked the need of a flame thrower, his response was to kill the weeds. Haha, that's Jack in a nut-shell.

Learning about Jack has been a privilege. He was an engineer, a 30-year employee at Quaker Oats, and a United States Air Force veteran. In his later years, he started working at Ace Hardware - just to fill the hours and pass the time. And while there, he inspired the younger generation, helping them develop their skills and build their confidence. I was briefly able to meet some of those Ace employees who attended his funeral in shifts. They had tears in their eyes as they described what a sweet, caring man Jack was to them. One even commented that Jack eagerly took on the challenge to catch the mice in the store with him. Again, that was Jack.

I will miss my father-in-law and wish that we had more years together. But I'm thankful he was in my life and that he gave me the best gift of all: my husband.

Love you, Jack.