A week of fears...

From the outside, I appear to be a fearful, trepidacious person - anxiety ridden - overly dramatic. While those are accurate and a part of my internal make-up, I'm also silently courageous. Things like change, beginnings, endings, public speaking, responsibility, conflict, tragedy, silence, solidarity and death do not rattle me; in fact, it's in those moments that I feel the most strong and confident. But I'm not outward with these aforementioned emotions - I tend to reserve for me and me alone. (Until now...)

Inversely, I am more comfortable showcasing my weaknesses - it's a character trait (some would argue flaw) I learned from my mother. Self-deprecating was a method of acceptance and approachability.  People tend to be more open to those that wear their weaknesses on their sleeves, not realizing that in itself is a sign of confidence and strength. I knew my mother was more of a lion than a sheep - but she wore that strong personality privately. As do I.

But in this past week, fear has been the name of game as I have been forced to face one of my many fears, namely needles, medical professionals and hospitals. While many think this is an irrational fear, it stems from a traumatic incident coupled with the notion of being vulnerable and seemingly out of control.

So, in effort to face my fears, I'm employing the following steps, which can be used in any situation.

• Change my thinking.
• Visualize positively.
• Meditate.
• Breathe.
• Practice.
• Finally, employ.

While I have skipped out on my blood lab twice in one week, I have another opportunity this Tuesday after my Cystoscopy.  Luckily through research - reading the process, reviewing videos and speaking to professionals - I'm no longer fearful of this procedure. Sure, my heart rate will rise, my palms with sweat and I'll be lucky if I mutter two words to the Urologist, but I'm no longer fearful. Conversely, attempting to have my blood drawn will leave me crying embarrassingly in the reception area of the lab - yep. But here's to trying to face that fear...sharply...again!