Motivation Monday: Mending Relationships

I'm back! I apologize for my infrequent posts - I needed a bit of a break and opportunity to clear my head.

First post? Mending relationships - friendships, family connections and your relationship with your spouse. All of which are important to devote time, energy and love - a little TLC, if you will. You don't want to regret your last words or lack of effort - more specifically, you don't want your loved ones to think you do not care. I've personally lost two very close people in my life recently - and our last conversations and interactions were...let's say, unresolved. As my reader, I don't want you to experience that kind of grief.

Because of this harsh reality, I'm working on mending my relationships. One in particular is plaguing me. A friendship that is strained, misunderstood and complicated. Despite my innate ability to turn the page, I'm unable to move forward.

While I realize the notion of BFF is romanticized - and as we grow our relationships change as we embrace new careers, family, relocation and potentially marriage - I still want to make a last stitch effort to mend this relationship. The question begs, is it worth it?

The sense of trust and connection felt with a best friend is motivating, but when that friendship begins to drift away, the sense of unease, discomfort, and/or loss is palpable. So what can you do to mend a broken friendship? Here are some tips.

• Communicate.There’s a wall of silence between you. What do you do? Summon up the courage to start a dialogue. And not just small talk - a conversation at which you openly address the tangible tension between the two of you.
• Apologize, if you should. If you know it was you who said or did something wrong-or who didn’t do or say something you should have, own up to the mistake. 
• Forgive, if you can. Conversely, if you were the one who was wronged and the friendship is important to you, consciously decide to forgive your friend in order to save the friendship.
• Take a break. Maybe you need time apart to realize how much you mean to each other. On the other hand, you both may breathe a sigh of  relief during the trial separation. 

Fixing a broken friendship is never easy because the rules of friendships aren’t clear. But if it is worth a try, then make the effort.

Motivation Monday: Walk the walk

I'm a habitual day-dreamer - in any given moment, I'm envisioning a project coming to fruition, or a breathtaking view in a foreign country, or a new career direction. All this dreaming has led to not much action - sure, my imagination is getting a great workout but not many of my wishes have come true. Don't get me wrong, I'm very satisfied with my life - I have a wonderful husband, great family, good friends and amazing co-workers. But I think there are areas needed for improvement, such as my educational goals or career aspirations. Or, even my creative outlets.

And I know my husband feels similarly. But instead of making any steps in the right direction we just talk about it. So, let's shut up and walk the walk.

Here is a great write-up regarding just this - How to Stop Dreaming & Start Living. I was going to just link to the blog but I want to ensure you (the proverbial, you that is) reads and digests this. Because I think we could all use a kick in the pants from time to time.

Here you go. Enjoy. And do.

I called my friend Jonathan the other day. He recently started a publishing company — a dream he’s had for a number of years. I was going to be speaking at an event for dreamers and I wanted his advice. “What should I say?” I asked. He had one simple piece of advice. Stop asking, “What if?”

Jonathan used to be more of a dreamer but now was a doer. I wanted to know his secret. At first, he was dismissive, wishing me luck and thanking God Almighty it wasn’t him speaking. But I kept prodding and asking.

Finally, he explained when something shifted for him, what actually changed for him to start living his dream: “It was when I stopped asking, ‘What if…?’ and started saying, ‘Let’s…’”

The way I see it, you have only two choices:

1. You can spend your days dreaming of a better life.
2. Or you can do the messy work of taking your dream to the world.

You can sit around, playing the what-if game, or you can start saying, “Let’s.”

Right now, your dream is perfect. Safe and comfortable, it’s untouched by your dirty, human hands. Stuffed in a box on a shelf, it’s tucked away — far from the world it’s supposed to change.

Here’s the truth: you’re squandering your passion. For sake of personal comfort and fear of messing up your calling, you’re robbing the world of a gift, which is your dream. Is it worth the cost?
Start living in the tension

The next step is a messy one, so think carefully before taking it. It’s where you begin to get your hands dirty and do the hard work of living your dream.

This is where your story starts to matter, where you begin to make a difference. It’s where ideas and action meet, where we stop dreaming and start living. There is tension here. And risk is inevitable.

If we opt out, we may become bitter, disillusioned. We can grow to think that this whole dreaming process is a farce. Like Segismundo, we may get lost in our dreams, questioning when we are living and when we are merely dreaming.

For reasons that are already obvious, I want you to go for your dream. I want you to live. And it begins with letting go.Your ideals are useless (sorry). Nobody gets changed by an ideal. Nothing gets shaken by a bunch of dreams. Don’t get me wrong; I love dreams. I’m a fan of ideas. They are the fuel for change in the world.

But by themselves, they do absolutely no good.

No action = no change

As Bonhoeffer said, the ideal of a thing can kill the thing itself. In your case, your ideals are robbing you of your dream and the difference it could make.

Hanging out in coffee shops and talking about one day being a writer or missionary or entrepreneur is the worst thing you can do. It’s destructive and antagonistic to doing the work of becoming your dream.

So what do you do? Stop talking, start doing:

• Don’t dream of being a writer. Begin writing.
• Don’t dream of being a missionary. Go.
• Don’t dream of being an entrepreneur. Launch something (even something small).

Anything less is a cheap imitation of the life you were meant to live. It’s stalling. It’s a waste. It’s Resistance. And it’s killing your dream more than you realize. You have one and only choice. I hate to put it into such macabre terms, but there’s no other way: Begin living your life, or start planning your funeral. Get busy living, or get busy dying. Life or death. There isn’t much else. So what’s it gonna be?

Motivation Monday: Fresh eyes

The hubby and I recently adopted our neighbor's kitten, which has been such an immediate blessing in our lives. After making the most difficult decision to remove my brother from life support and saying goodbye to Nick's grandpa, we decided we needed happiness. Period.

Enter, Matilda - a delicate, demure, dainty tabby who now has a permanent piece of my heart. The addition to our family has already lifted my spirits. And this little fur ball has made me think; what if I viewed the world through kittens' eyes? Might be kinda nice, huh?

So, here's a reminder to see your life through fresh eyes...

• Be innocent and open to explore new adventures, things, smells, foods, and places.
• Cuddle everything and everyone. Just love.
• Play, play and play. Enjoy the little pleasures in life.
• Sleep. Relax. Be in the moment.
• Adapt to changes, a new life and different people.
• Take in nature - smells, chirping birds, luscious trees, flowers. Allow yourself to embrace the great outdoors and get lost in it.
• Have no fear. Chase the tail of the rather large senior cat that hisses every time you walk in a room, eat, drink, yawn, stretch or wink. Or, for my human readers - stand up to your own 'human' version of a bully.
• Don't take yourself too seriously. Allow yourself time to learn. And don't worry if you fall off the couch, fall asleep in the litter box or step in the water dish while trying to eat your cat food.
• Never give up. Keep chasing that tail.

Love you lil' Matilda! Thank you for your reminder to enjoy life more.

Motivation Monday: Fit App

I am tired of not fitting into most of my cute, trendy clothes and deleting every picture taken of me; so, I decided to take action. After not stepping on a scale in over a year, I was frightened by the number blinking at me. With that said, it provided an innate sense of competition with myself, and finally put some fire under my belly...literally.

While I'm active daily - working out everyday for at least 30-minutes - my food intake (or rather snack consumption) is out of control. Working a desk job, I tend to nibble all...day...long.

But today I downloaded a handy, dandy tool: My Fitness Pal. It's free, user friendly and a great motivator to be more conscious of my food intake.

To lose the weight and reach my target goal - preferably by my 33rd birthday in Vegas - I am restricted to about 1300 calories a day. Some of you might think "no problem" but for a girl who loves her glass of red at dinner, bread and cheez-its, this will be a challenge. But with this app I feel like I have a partner in the process. Wish me luck!

*Today I consumed 1573 calories, burned 234 and netted 1339. On this rate, I'll lose 7 pounds by June 6!